The X Factor review: Jason Gardiner (again) and the no-effort dancefloor

For anyone seeking an impartial perspective on the affair – starring The X Factor alumni Jason Gardiner and his molls, Louise Gottlieb and Natalie Murphy – this is going to be as interesting as…

The X Factor review: Jason Gardiner (again) and the no-effort dancefloor

For anyone seeking an impartial perspective on the affair – starring The X Factor alumni Jason Gardiner and his molls, Louise Gottlieb and Natalie Murphy – this is going to be as interesting as a bread and eggs takeaway in a launderette. At any rate, the couple find each other on a Build-a-Bear workshop for ditzy girls, chat for ages, form romantic theories on “magic courtship”, then discard them just before Sophie Matthews exposes the thick-as-pancakes Faustian pact.

This is baffling, because there is nothing “gaga” about Gardiner or Gottlieb, although their interest in each other verges on the heroic. Even Cheryl Fernandez-Versini would be smarter to keep them. She could use their idle minds to plot her comeback, a dream that seems currently to lie in limbo as the producer kiboshes her plans to remake Nothing Compares 2 U, asking her instead to “bring her smile” and “put love in a car with a motorbike”. Meanwhile, over on Capital FM’s Lucy Horobin, they offered their analysis to a team of trolls, who were openly ridiculing them for their deluded dreams. This is barely parenting at all, let alone a metaphor for deep despair. Jules, playing the outsider card, asked: “If you feel guilty about possibly wanting the most relationship you have ever had in your life, do you really care what other people think about you? Or just because you’re an entertainer don’t we just feel like a little bit more special?”

It sounded like a remarkably humane question, which might be a sign of coming of age. But there was nothing remotely authentic in this clip. There is no good reason for Jason to feel otherwise. They cannot possibly be entirely happy with each other – make the most of it, love.

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